More than a wedding

A wedding day is an important "defining moment" for a couple and creates an opportunity to create a moment in time which celebrates a loving partnership and the promise of a fulfilling and joyful marriage. In this wedding work that I do, I often hear the expression "a wedding doesn't really matter, it's the marriage that counts" (these are normally sentiments expressed by people other than the couple getting married).

I disagree. A wedding day does matter.

Yes, it's true. Some couples go into over-drive with the wedding planning experience and fail to use the engagement time to deepen a relationship. In this hyper-mode, a couple temporarily "forgets" that they are really planning a marriage and put too much emphasis on the wedding.

A celebration of marriage is one big day of life. For many couples, it is the "best day of life." For others, there is more focus on planning for the marriage than the wedding. So, as you can see, there is no right or wrong here but what is right for a particular couple.

The importance of "the big day" is all about personal preference. Do you want a big and glitzy wedding day? Would you rather invite family and friends over for a casual ceremony and party at the family batch? Or elope to Vegas or plan a destination wedding to a more exotic place with 10-20 close family and friends?

As you are thinking about the different types of wedding you could have, consider these questions...

1) What is really important to us - our wedding, our marriage or both? For some couples, a wedding is hugely important and others would prefer a small wedding with more focus on the planning and creation of the marriage partnership. I'd like to think there is a happy balance - creating a special day that sweetly celebrates a relationship and working toward a marriage that is loving and healthy in all ways.

2) How can you incorporate your values into your wedding day? If you and your partner look at your shared values and what is important to you, you can define the importance of the day you will be joined together in marriage and plan from there. Three possible shared values may include the importance of family and friends on a wedding day, money, and perhaps any religious, spiritual or secular elements to consider and celebrate as you plan your wedding day.

3) What is practical and prudent for us? What is romantic and loving for us? As you take a look at what a wedding day means to you, there is a gentle dance between being practical and pragmatic and romantic and loving. In today's economic climate, couples are being more practical and prudent with their wedding dollars and at the same time, are still creating a wedding day (big, mid-size, small or very tiny) that lovingly marks the moment. No matter what your budget, it is important that your wedding day represents you as a couple.

Do you invite children to your wedding?

This is a question many couples are faced with and it can cause a lot of tension within the family. You just have to remember that it is your wedding and the ultimate decision about who you want to invite to your wedding is up to you. If you are adopting a “no children policy’, then stick to it and don’t let others persuade you otherwise.

If you are wondering whether you should or shouldn’t invite children to your wedding here are a few things you need to consider:

Cost
There is an extra cost of inviting children to the wedding. The cost is usually considerably lower (than for an adult), but it does add to the overall cost of the wedding.

Behavior
Some children can be so well behaved and are a delight to see at a wedding, but there are others who will run amok and will end up destroying your whole day. If the parents cannot control their children, and you'll know this before you work out your guest list, you must not invite them.

Entertainment
If you do decide on inviting children, make sure that you have planned some entertainment for them, whether it is as simple as providing colour in books and puzzles at the table or employing a specialist wedding crèche to come in and entertain the kids. Either way, chat to the various parents and put a plan in place to ensure that the children are entertained and looked after rather than left to their own devices.

What do you put on a wedding invitation, if you have decided not to invite children? Here are some options:

“Kindly note that children are welcome at the ceremony, but not the reception”. This way parents can choose to bring children to the ceremony but make plans for them to be looked after during the reception – it is my experience that most parents opt for not bringing them to either in this case.

“With Respect, no children please”. You can’t be any more clear with this one!

You may have some people not being very happy with your decision, but the bottom line is that it is your day and you get to choose who can celebrate your day with you.

There are always exceptions when it comes to inviting children. For instance, if some of your guests were nursing mothers, of course they'd have to bring their babies with them. Maybe you can arrange an area within your wedding reception venue where they will be able to feed their babies in private and somewhere quiet. There is no reason not to invite someone just because they have a baby.

The Wedding Rehearsal – Definitely have one!

A wedding ceremony is a "one time shot" to get it right. When you start figuring in the Celebrant, a nervous bride/groom, a wedding party that often isn't listening and family and friends with pounding hearts, a wedding ceremony is ripe for imperfection.

One of the best ways to mitigate risks or disasters at the ceremony is to organize a rehearsal a few days before the big day.

It still amazes me how many Celebrants don’t offer rehearsals to their clients, or offer up the line: “I have been a celebrant for 12 years, I don’t need to do a rehearsal.” News Flash Mr Celebrant, the rehearsal is not for you, it is for the very nervous Bride & Groom who have to get through their vows & the “I do’s”, the Brides Father who has to walk her down the aisle, the nervous mothers who will be lighting the unity candles and the brother who will be reciting a poem.

I always insist that my clients have a rehearsal and they are always so grateful that they do, because so many issues are raised during the rehearsal that it would have been terrible to just “wing it” through ceremony.

Here are a few tips when planning your rehearsal:

1. If possible hold the rehearsal at the same place the actual ceremony will take place. That way everyone is familiar with the space and if you discover the sun is shining directly into your eyes, or if you have the bridal party stand in a particular place and you now realize that they will be blocking everyone’s view, you can change the plan right then and there.

2. Hold the rehearsal at the same time of day that the actual ceremony will be taking place – again light or lack thereof may be an issue.

3. Have all the members of your bridal party present – all the people who have a job to do during the ceremony should be there – they are likely to be as nervous as you!

4. Hold the rehearsal about 3-4 days before the wedding, that way it is still fresh in everyone’s mind and if you realize that something has not been taken care of, you still have some time to sort it out.

5. If you are having music played at the ceremony make sure you go through all the timings during the rehearsal too.

If you have to, you can be a bit of a bridezilla and INSIST on having a rehearsal, it will make you that much less of a bridezilla on the wedding day because you will know, (along with everyone else), exactly what you have to do when you hit that aisle.

As a wedding planner I get to deal with many clients of different ages, nationalities and backgrounds and one thing remains constant with just about all of them - the bride is the one driving the wedding and all the wedding planning decisions. This is just the way it is and while I have often joked with my clients that it is not often I get to see a groom grace my office (some I have only met at the rehearsal 2 days before the wedding day), I know that it would be great if grooms did participate in the planning to a much greater degree.

With this in mind, I totally enjoyed reading this article from Aaron Hu...

Weddings are so lopsided that it boarders on complete and utter unfairness. It is all about the bride and almost nothing about the groom. Men might as well just turn into cellophane until it is time to say I Do. In a world of equality, the one thing that has not changed and shows no signs of morphing is the wedding.

Eve the nickname is feministic. The brides big day, give me a break; why not, the grooms big day? Men have been programmed into thinking, (Probably by our mothers and other female family members.) to think of it as a woman's day. All the major decisions about your wedding are going to be made by the bride. I suppose it is their way of practicing for how they are going to run your lives for the next one hundred years.

Have you ever seen a man shop for a tuxedo for more than half an hour? You won't because the man's outfit at the wedding is just not that important. We have to wear one because some woman a couple of thousand years ago decided to stick the groom in a black suit and stand him in a corner until it was time to get married. Then they stuck that line about love, honor, and obey into the vows and winked at each other knowing that would give us the false sense of power that we would be carrying into the rest of our lives.

The bride makes all the decisions about the wedding including its location. What is wrong with having the wedding at our favorite pub? Hey, if it were up to the man, this is the way to go. You have a built in bar, plenty of chairs, a bandstand, food, a dance floor, and we could still put the game on the big screen. The perfect, money saving solution that will not even be considered by the bride. If you want the summer wedding favors and she wants the beach wedding favors, brother, wax your surfboard because you cannot win. It just ain't happening.

They treat us like we have no taste or common sense when it comes to planning a wedding. It is almost as if they think we are just one generation removed from dragging knuckles and cannot make wise wedding decisions. Well, the fact of the matter is, we can make a wise wedding decision when we put our minds to it. (Hey, I was not joking about the pub location,) Why not get married on the field of the Steelers game at halftime? There would be plenty of witnesses, they've provided their own food, the entertainment is great, there is bound to be a preacher in the stands who will come out and marry us for free and if not, I think the head referee has the power to perform weddings. You know, "By the power vested in me by the state of Pittsburgh and the NFL, I now pronounce you, husband and wife." Then he could blow the whistle to cue the marching band! What husband would not want dancing, half naked cheerleaders, you know, for moral support and spiritual guidance.

It is the ultimate wedding that every boy dreams about growing up. Do you think it will ever happen? Probably not, since we were programmed not to argue about it. I tell you what, stick me in a black suit and stand me in a corner somewhere. I'll be ready when she is.

Say no more!

Many brides ask why they need to hire a wedding planner, they believe that they are very organized, they know what they want and they know where to get it. But it is often a case of, you don’t know what you don’t know and sometimes by the time they realize the wheels have fallen off, it is too late to change without spending a large amount of time or money, either of which is often in short supply.

There is a process to planning a wedding and most brides don’t realize this. They get very excited and rush out trying to get everything organized immediately, they then get so overwhelmed by the scale of work that needs to be done and they get stressed out over everything. This becomes a cycle of emotions that so many brides experience. A good wedding planner understands the wedding planning process and they are able to control the planning, which means the bride can slow down and enjoy the planning part of her wedding as well as the actual day itself.

To put this into perspective…

If you have ever hosted a dinner party at your house for 30 or 40 guests, you will know how much work and planning went into it. Now, think how it will be on your wedding day when you could have 100 or 200 or even more guests to look after, feed and entertain, all the while being the centre of attention. You certainly don’t want to be running around telling the caterers when to serve the starters or cuing the DJ for the first dance. No, that is what a wedding planner will do for you, so that you can do what you are supposed to be doing – spending time with your family and fiends, enjoying every moment and being 100 percent engaged in your dream day with your groom.

All part of the planning…

Often, one of the most stressful elements of a wedding is dealing with each other and dealing with your families. Normal communication often goes out of the window (along with reason) and emotions start running very high, this is when we start seeing the bridzilla in a bride come out.

So, it is really good to have a person who is a neutral party, someone to bounce ideas off and someone who can keep you calm and focused.

There is no doubt that you have to have a great amount of trust in your wedding planner.

A wedding planner needs to be a very good manager, not only does she have to manage the wedding planning process, but also motivate suppliers, so that you get the very best out of your wedding day. There is also a big element of risk management that a wedding planner is responsible for, they need to be able to identify, where possible mitigate and manage any risks that could adversely effect your wedding.

The cost…

No doubt about it, weddings are very expensive and in any situation where large amounts of money being spent, there is a high level of stress.

A wedding planner will help you stick to your budget, reign you in if you start going over board and suggest ways in which you can cut costs. They can also keep you on track with paying deposits and final payments, which means that you are aware of what you are going to have to pay. This will also mean that the suppliers are happy, because they are being paid on time.

Couples often fall into the trap of saying “oh, it’s only an extra $50” but if you do that 100 times, the next thing you know, you have a total budget blowout – this is the part where the wedding planner reigns you in.

So, the extra money that you spend on a planner becomes a good investment, because not only will they help you stick to your budget, but can often get you better deals with suppliers. Couples often end up spending money on items or services that they don’t actually need or change their minds about later on and then end up losing their deposits, This is really because the proper wedding planning process wasn’t followed, a wedding planner can help stop that from happening.

Final stages…

The last week before a wedding is an incredibly busy period. The list of details that need to be addressed is huge, with couples often not realizing just how much running around needs to be done during that time.

The last thing you want is to stress yourselves and your family and friends, by having to run around trying to get everything sorted. One of the things a wedding planner does is to relieve you of that stress, so that you can focus on you.

You may even find that you are able to work up to a few days before the wedding, because everything has been taken care of.

It allows you to carry on with your day to day lives, like work and family - for many brides this is very helpful.

Having a wedding planner also means that your family and friends get to relax and enjoy the day, instead of running around sorting things out. It also means that you can totally relax and enjoy every moment of your day, without having to constantly think of whether everything is going ok.

Being a wedding planner…

I can honestly say that I love my job – it really is something I was born to do. I love the fact that I get to help couples create one of the most special days of their lives. I love sharing in their excitement and to be honest, so many of my clients are now my friends – that’s the kind of relationship that I have with my brides.

I love the team I work with and I love the teams of suppliers I work with, it is so satisfying to know that collectively we have pulled off an incredible event.

There is nothing more rewarding than, when at the end of a wedding and I look at the bride and groom, as they climb in the car to leave for their hotel, I know that I have helped turn their dream into a reality – it really is a dream job!

For more information about Nicky and her wedding planning services visit The Wedding Coach website

Your wedding gown is one of the most important things that you will ever purchase. To be sure, it is the most emotionally charged purchase of your life; not only is it the most that you will ever spend on one piece of clothing, but it has to make you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world! This is a tall order for one gown, and to make sure that the entire experience of finding and ordering your dream dress is as happy as possible, here are my top 10 tips for choosing a gown

1. Do not shop with an entourage. You don’t want everyone’s opinion – just one or two people for support is fine.
2. When you do hit the streets for your dress, make sure that you are wearing the right shoes, it is very difficult to imagine what the dress will look like if you are wearing trainers or jandles. Also if you are intending to wear your hair up for the wedding, put your hair up in a similar style, while trying on dresses.
3. Once you have chosen your gown and have ordered it, don’t keep shopping for gowns, you’ll only confuse & second guess yourself
4. Alterations are not normally included in the price of a gown, so ask for a quote for any required alterations right up front.
5. You do not have to buy all of your accessories at the same time as the gown. Some bridal shops have reasonable prices on their veils and bridal jewelry, but may have a limited variety.
6. Order your gown at least six months before your wedding. Many take as long as four or five months to be delivered, and you need to allow time for alterations, as well.
7. Wedding gown sizing is not the same as regular dress sizing. This is one the best reasons to make sure that you are working with a knowledgeable bridal shop rather than trying to order from a dodgy discounter that cannot help you order your gown in the proper size for the best fit.
8. Work with a bridal shop that has a good reputation. Ask others in the industry, as to whether they have any good or bad feedback about a particular bridal shop. Nothing can ruin a wedding like a bridal shop that does not deliver the dress on time!
9. Photographs are generally not permitted of a gown until after you have ordered it, so leave your camera at home when gown shopping. There are simply too many knock-offs being made for a designer to risk having someone take a picture to copy a dress. Once you have placed your deposit, the shop should be more than happy to permit pictures for mom or friends who were not with you.
10. You don't have to go crazy, but also don't be afraid to splurge a little on a wedding gown that melts your heart. I have seen many cases of brides who were disappointed after they settled on a less expensive dress that they did not truly love, and no brides who were sorry to have treated themselves to the wedding gown of their dreams.

Happy Planning!

The Master of Ceremonies (MC) at a wedding serves somewhat like a tour guide or cruise director-only it's for the wedding activities and events at the reception.

Choosing a MC is not an easy task as the right person must be comfortable talking to a large group of people, be a good speaker with a commanding voice and be able to take control of any situations that may arise in a diplomatic way. It is important that the person takes the responsibility seriously, knows not to get drunk before their duties are concluded, uses appropriate language (especially considering that the guests could range from very young to fairly elderly) & keeps jokes clean and appropriate.

He or she will make introductions and announcements; help keep guests and attendees informed of vital information and what is happening at particular times, and help each event transition smoothly into the next. The MC is the primary speaker, commanding attention at the appropriate times, but only speaking briefly at each interval, focusing the attention on the bride and groom or else the person being introduced. Usually a wedding MC will have a microphone so he or she can be easily heard throughout the room and can get the attention of guests when necessary.

The wedding MC makes many announcements to guests throughout the day or evening, including general housekeeping, pointing out where the loos are and any other information which is beneficial to the guests. They will also announce the arrival of the new “MR & Mrs” when the couple make their grand entrance at the reception.

Along with introducing speakers, the MC will let guests know when its time for the cutting of the cake, the first dance, the tossing of the bouquet and garter.

The MC is also the “go to person”. The venue staff, DJ, photographer, etc must be made aware of who the MC is and if there are any problems or issues these should be directed at the MC, so that the bride & groom can relax and enjoy their reception.


Happy Planning!

When most couples plan their wedding, they have a fairly clear budget within which they hope to stay. Once you have booked all of your vendors and ordered all of your wedding needs, you may think that you know what your total cost will be. Look out, though, because things are not always as clear as you may think. Here are some of the hidden wedding expenses that every bride and groom should watch out for.

Tips and taxes: Read your contracts very carefully. Do they include gratuities and any sales tax, or are those additional?

Overtime & Travel: When you book your venue, photographer, and band, the contract will be for a set number of hours. Should you go beyond that block of time, the overtime costs are likely to be substantial. This is why it is important to be realistic when scheduling your vendors. If you are getting married out of town, many of the suppliers will charge you to travel, there could even be costs for their accommodation which you will have to cover.

Rental delivery and set up fees: If you are having a wedding that involves a lot of rentals, read the fine print of your contract. Very often, the price for your tent or tables includes only renting the item, not the labor involved in actually getting them there and in place.

Alterations: The price of a wedding gown and or bridesmaids dresses does not usually include the alterations. When you order your gown, ask the bridal shop what the average range is for alterations so that you can include them in your budget.

Breakages: Ask your venue and suppliers what costs will be involved if a few glasses get broken or red wine or candle wax is spilt on the table cloths.

Personalization: So you found the perfect bridesmaid gifts and they are within your budget, great! But wait, the jewelry store wants how much to engrave their initials on those bracelets? The same applies for items like your invitations – if you decide to go for a non stock item you may end up paying far more than standard stock items

Corkage fees: If your reception venue allows you to bring in your own wine, ask if they charge corkage fees. Many venues will, and sometimes the money that you save by bringing in your own wine may disappear by the time that you have paid the surcharges. Find out early on so that you can make an informed decision about whether or not to use an outside supplier.

As they say, forewarned is forearmed. Knowing about potential hidden or unexpected wedding expenses in advance is the best way to help you plan your budget so that you avoid any unpleasant last minute surprises and fees. If you need any help or advice with regards to contracts that you have been asked to sign, please get in touch with The Celebration Studio, we will happy to look over them for you.

To state the obvious, planning a wedding is one of the most stressful moments in one's life. There is so much to do and of course everything has to be 'just right.'

However, it is also important to keep in mind that once the wedding day arrives you want to look and feel your best. So, dealing effectively with pre-wedding stress is not something that you should give lip service to, but something you should actually add to the many items on your To-Do list.

Here are my top 5 Tips for Handling Pre-wedding Stress

Keep Active
Although you may be exercising to get into your wedding dress, keeping up a regular exercise routine is one of the best things that you can do to keep stress at bay. If you are not a gym lover, there are other activities that can raise the heart rate, such as walking, tennis, biking, etc.

Calming Down
There will be many times when you will need to step away and calm the nerves. Make sure you have things on your schedule that are relaxing. It could be a Yoga class after work, a massage or spa treatment, or something as simple as throwing your favorite bubble bath into the tub at the end of the day.

A Little Help from Friends
Although it may be tempting to spend your time with girlfriends wedding shopping or pouring over the latest bridal magazines, it's important to have moments when your wedding is not the main topic of conversation. So do things you would normally do together with friends. Plus, your friends will also appreciate spending some quality time with you.

Delegate!
Don’t feel that you have to do every task yourself. Often family members are dying to get involved – why not give them something to do with clear instructions as to how you want it done.

Part of being a bridesmaid or maid of honor is to help out with all the tasks that need to be done – make sure you are utilizing their skills to your weddings best advantage! And don't forget your fiancé, as he might very well want to do anything to help lower your stress levels.

Get away from it all
Just because you've already booked your honeymoon, does not mean that you have to wait for months for a holiday. Although you may not have the time or money for 2 weeks in Hawaii, even just a long weekend or even just a day trip, may be the break that the both of you really need!

Who's Paying for your wedding?

There is no mistaking it, weddings are expensive! What if you can't afford to pay for the wedding yourselves?

Talk with your families about who will pay for what: Some brides families still pick up the entire tab, but more and more grooms families are participating too. How do you bring up the conversation? For many couples, talking to each family separately is the best way to have truly open discussions. When you do talk, here are strategies for determining your initial budget.

    * Ask both of your folks to commit to a specific dollar amount, and then add up all the contributions to create your budget.
    * Alternatively, it may be easier to ask each set of parents to finance a particular aspect of the wedding (such as the flowers, honeymoon, or photographer) instead of just committing to a dollar amount.
    * Decide how much you two can contribute between now and the wedding.

Once you have a final figure, it is very important to stick within that amount. Do not overspend, as not only can you end up putting yourselves into debt but you could end up dragging your families into debt too!