Formal wear...
While many people no longer know the ins and outs of what black tie or white tie involves for the women (and men have much fewer choices when it comes to formal wear), it is something they can easily find out. Stating 'black tie - hats optional for ladies' on the invitation tells the women that it is more appropriate to wear a dress, which should be about knee length, or a dress-suit and that there are likely to be some women wearing hats. This is often considered to be more appropriate for a child free wedding, but there are some adorable mini-tuxedos around, so don't discount it just because some of your guests are children. Be guided by your venue and your overall wedding style - a fully formal dress code would suit a traditional and grand ceremony and venue, whereas a more casual code would be more appropriate at a beach or countryside wedding.
Smart/Casual...
Modern weddings tend to follow an unwritten rule of 'smart/casual' - meaning that suits and nice dresses are fine, but so are more relaxed outfits. Jackets are often worn during the ceremony, but removed at the reception. Jeans might be a stretch for the 'smart' half of the dress code, you can probably get away with wearing a more casual outfit if you feel more comfortable. This is a good middling option, as it keeps in mind that you'd like people to make some effort, but there is also an air of relaxation and informality that will hopefully put your guests at ease.
Casual...
Perfect for beach weddings – jandals and board shorts and summer dresses.
Outside the box...
Some couples are choosing to ask their guests to join in with a colour scheme. This can make for some spectacular photographs if everyone plays along. I was at a wedding recently where the colour theme was purple, and all the guests were wearing black and white with purple. Some of the men who were wearing plain suits had even sprayed some purple dye into their hair...temporarily I hope! The overall look turned out very stylishly, and the guests were all comfortable knowing that they could wear anything they liked within the colour scheme. If you're not wearing a white wedding dress and don't have a particular colour scheme going on in your wedding style and decor, then you can always go for classic black and white - this allows for suits and little black (or white) dresses without fear of clashing or the dreaded faux pas of wearing a white dress to someone else's wedding!
Sophisticated theme, or just fancy dress?...
If you've chosen to go all out and have a themed wedding you may decide to ask your guests to join in the fun. This isn't an option that will suit every family, and you may decide that your relatives are just too conservative for it to work, but again, it does reduce the 'what to wear' dilemma while also helping to create a special party atmosphere. It can help to include tips, or recommend shops that sell the right style of clothes, particularly if your theme is an era that not everyone will be familiar with. Do remember, when recommending shops (or indeed local hotels), that you need to cater for a range of budgets.
If you plan on having a dress code, state it clearly on your invitations, and be guided by your overall wedding theme and style, colour scheme and your own outfits - the formality and style of your own wedding dress and the groom's outfit can help you decide how casual you want your guests to be.
Wording that may be appropriate on an invitation:
Formal – “Black Tie & Ballgown”
Cocktail – “Suit and tie please gentlemen”
Casual – “Jeans, jandals & shorts”
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