More than a wedding

A wedding day is an important "defining moment" for a couple and creates an opportunity to create a moment in time which celebrates a loving partnership and the promise of a fulfilling and joyful marriage. In this wedding work that I do, I often hear the expression "a wedding doesn't really matter, it's the marriage that counts" (these are normally sentiments expressed by people other than the couple getting married).

I disagree. A wedding day does matter.

Yes, it's true. Some couples go into over-drive with the wedding planning experience and fail to use the engagement time to deepen a relationship. In this hyper-mode, a couple temporarily "forgets" that they are really planning a marriage and put too much emphasis on the wedding.

A celebration of marriage is one big day of life. For many couples, it is the "best day of life." For others, there is more focus on planning for the marriage than the wedding. So, as you can see, there is no right or wrong here but what is right for a particular couple.

The importance of "the big day" is all about personal preference. Do you want a big and glitzy wedding day? Would you rather invite family and friends over for a casual ceremony and party at the family batch? Or elope to Vegas or plan a destination wedding to a more exotic place with 10-20 close family and friends?

As you are thinking about the different types of wedding you could have, consider these questions...

1) What is really important to us - our wedding, our marriage or both? For some couples, a wedding is hugely important and others would prefer a small wedding with more focus on the planning and creation of the marriage partnership. I'd like to think there is a happy balance - creating a special day that sweetly celebrates a relationship and working toward a marriage that is loving and healthy in all ways.

2) How can you incorporate your values into your wedding day? If you and your partner look at your shared values and what is important to you, you can define the importance of the day you will be joined together in marriage and plan from there. Three possible shared values may include the importance of family and friends on a wedding day, money, and perhaps any religious, spiritual or secular elements to consider and celebrate as you plan your wedding day.

3) What is practical and prudent for us? What is romantic and loving for us? As you take a look at what a wedding day means to you, there is a gentle dance between being practical and pragmatic and romantic and loving. In today's economic climate, couples are being more practical and prudent with their wedding dollars and at the same time, are still creating a wedding day (big, mid-size, small or very tiny) that lovingly marks the moment. No matter what your budget, it is important that your wedding day represents you as a couple.